


Whiskey Lullaby

by Vantasassy



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Character Death, F/M, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-29 03:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vantasassy/pseuds/Vantasassy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And then the door slammed shut, rattling the chest of drawers that stood in the hallway and leaving Dirk on his own, tears running down his face and whole frame trembling as he tried to stop himself from sobbing and screaming and crying his eyes out until he was a shrivelled up mess.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Whiskey Lullaby

_Jake’s arms were wrapped around him as they lay together, morning light streaming through the windows and casting golden beams over their languid forms. Dirk reached up and ran his fingers through Jake’s messy black bed head, earning a small smile from the taller male, buckteeth agleam in the early rays of sun. Dirk’s arms then settled around Jake’s neck, and the blonde also smiled, watching as one of his boyfriends eyes cracked open._

_“Mornin’” Dirk drawled, and Jake leant forward and kissed his forehead._

_“Morning,” The other man breathed back._

Dirk let the smoke drift from his lips and into the air, the cigarette held loosely between his index and middle fingers. His orange gaze, shielded by thick black lenses, was trained on the couple giggling at the cafe table just across the road. He sighed and dropped the cigarette to the floor, stamping it out with his foot and sending the ashes scattering across the floor, the wind picking them up and carrying them. The blonde then turned and walked home, hands stuffed in his pockets, memories filling his brain and making his heart clench.

Dave was worried. Dirk could tell as he sat and took another swig of the bottle, relishing in the burn on his throat. The other Strider was standing in the doorway, shades hanging from the collar of his shirt and red eyes holding a pitiful gaze. It made Dirk sick – he didn’t want pity. He didn’t deserve pity. This was all his fault. He was too clingy and he pushed Jake away.

Their relationship had seemed so perfect – so in sync, so fluid. But it wasn’t. Dirk was possessive, only he didn’t realise it. He got jealous easily. He wasn’t used to having someone so close, and it made him was to keep Jake all to himself. Little did he know he was pushing him away. Pushing him into Jane’s arms as the black haired man went to her house to escape the tight hold of his boyfriend.

Dirk didn’t notice what he was doing until it was too late.

_And then the door slammed shut, rattling the chest of drawers that stood in the hallway and leaving Dirk on his own, tears running down his face and whole frame trembling as he tried to stop himself from sobbing and screaming and crying his eyes out until he was a shrivelled up mess._

Roxy wouldn’t answer his texts. He had tried messaging her, but since the first few weeks of his descent into a depressive, rotten state, the girl hadn’t answered a single call, text, message or anything. She even avoided Dave when he tried to get in touch. As far as Dirk knew she was staying with Rose, who was updating her on his condition, but never forcing her to come see him. Or maybe the younger Lalonde was _trying_ to, but Roxy was being her stubborn self and staying put, not comfortable enough with this situation to get her hands dirty.

Dirk didn’t blame her.

If he could, he would avoid himself.

Too bad he was stuck here with this idiot that went by the name of Dirk Strider.

He took another swig of his drink and leant his head back against the cushions.

“Dirk...” Dave said, speaking the first word of his visit. It felt weird, having Dave be so uneasy and careful around him, as if he was made of porcelain. He missed their old rap battles and strife’s on the roof. Hell, he missed everything. He missed Jake, he missed Roxy and he even missed Jane.

And the reason he missed them was entirely his fault, and no brother of his could ever convince him otherwise.

“Dirk, you need to forget him...”

Easier said than done, Dirk thought a couple of days later as he stumbled into his apartment, lips attached to some random strangers face and the man’s hands pressed firmly on his hips. Wrong, it felt wrong. This should be Jake, not some stupid drunk arsehole from the local bar. The rest of the night went by in a blur, and Dirk woke up alone, the strangers clothes gone and the apartment empty.

He grabbed the bottle by his bedside and took a swig, hoping the alcohol and the meaningless sex would drown away any memory of Jake.

They didn’t.

They never did.

His sword gleamed temptingly, as he sat on his sofa, tears once more streaming down his face and empty bottles strewn across the table. They were old, though. He hadn’t had a sip of alcohol in at least a week, Dave’s orders. That bastard had also told the local Off-Licence owner not to sell him any either. The world was so much clearer without the slur of alcohol, and Dirk realised how crappy his life was without Jake. How meaningless everything was. How he had destroyed everything he ever cared about.

Oh god it was so tempting.

Stumbling to his feet, Dirk walked over to the corner where his sword was resting against the wall, shaking hands grabbing the hilt and lifting the weapon up. He took a deep breath, more tears rolling down his cheeks. He wobbled over to the coffee table pressed against the wall and grabbed a note pad and pen, scrawling down something quick in orange ink, some tears dripping onto the paper and smudging the writing. The, walking backwards into the middle of the room, Dirk slowly got down on his knees and lifted the sharp, sharp metal to his throat. He choked on a sob, blinking back the moisture in his eyes, because he squeezed them shut, forcing the last few tears to run down his red, puffed cheeks.

And leaving only a note that said ‘ _I’ll love you till I die’_ , Dirk finally drank away Jake’s memory.

 

 

 

**XxX**

 

_“This would be an awesome place to be buried, don’t ‘ya think?” Roxy slurred as she twirled around beneath the large old willow tree, eyes closed and smile pulling at her black painted lips. Dirk scoffed._

_“Don’t be so morbid, we have ages until we die yet Rox.”_

_Roxy hummed in agreement._

_“Yeah, I know, but still, I’ve decided this is where I want to be buried!” She stopped spinning and faced Dirk, pink eyes alight in the sunlight. “Will you be buried next to me Dirk? Hey! Even Jake and Janey could be buried here too! That way we’d all still be together in death, wouldn’t that be neat?”_

_“You really have an obsession with death today, don’t you?”_

_“Pssh, just promise me Dirk – we’ll all be buried here. It’d be cool!”_

_Dirk rolled his eyes._

_“We’d have to run it by Jake and Jane, but yeah, sure, why not. When I kick the bucket, I give you permission to bury me here.”_

_Roxy laughed._

_“What makes you think you’re gonna die first?”_

_The other blonde shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets._

_“I don’t know, just a feeling.”_

Damn, Dirk’s shit was good. Roxy took another big mouthful before pulling the bottle away from her lips. She had found a secret stash of the blondes in his bathroom – he probably forgot the stuff was there. Wiping at her cheeks some more to get rid of the black trails of tears from her eye make-up, Roxy took a shuddering breath and raised the bottle to her lips once more.

She could see the dark brown-red patch on the floor from where Dirk’s body had been found, and it made her throat clog up, a lump forming that no matter how much whiskey she gulped down she couldn’t wash it away. Something warm and wet stung the corners of her eyes – damn, more tears.

She had lost count of how many hours a day she had spent here, sitting motionless in Dirk’s apartment. A lot, she guessed. It had only been a year since he had committed suicide, and a lot of people had mainly moved on with their lives. Roxy couldn’t understand how. She still visited his grave every day – under the old willow, like they had promised. Although the idea didn’t seem so cool now.

Hell, Jake and Jane didn’t even know Dirk was dead. They had gone off on some wicked adventure a few months before he died and had been out of contact ever since. Roxy thinks it was what tipped Dirk over the edge – either that or the lack of alcohol blurring his thoughts. But honesty, she blamed herself.

If only she hadn’t have been such a coward.

If only she had been there for him like the friend she had always said she was.

But she had chickened out.

Run at the first sign of trouble.

And now look what happened.

She took another swig of the strong liquid and sighed. The clock read 10pm. Another day gone and wasted.

They probably thought she didn’t hear the whispers as she walked through the streets. The mutterings of ‘There she is. That’s the girl that was supposedly the Strider boys best friend.’. They blamed her – knew it. But hey, it’s not like she cared – after all, she blamed herself. She was a shitty friend, she knew that now.

Life was monotonous without Dirk. It made it even worse that Jane and Jake were absent too. She had no-one. Rose said she was there, but she wasn’t really – she had her own life to attend to. And Dave? Dave didn’t want anything to do with anyone was even remotely close to Dirk. Too painful, Roxy supposed. He didn’t only lose a brother that day, but he lost a friend, and the worst part was that he had watched the gradual slip of Dirk’s happiness. Must have been more than hard for the boy.

A few more months passed, and Roxy received a few postcards from Jane. Talking about how her and Jake’s relationship was crumbling, and how it wasn’t what either of them had expected. It made Roxy want to scream. The relationship that they had boasted about, paraded in front of Dirk was now falling to pieces? Ha ha. Served them right.

But what was her punishment?

She took another deep gulp of whiskey, once again sitting on Dirk’s sofa, staring at the dark brown stain on his floor. She stroked the revolver with her thumb, placing the whiskey bottle down on the floor and digging an old photograph of her and Dirk and Jake and Jane out of her pocket. The corners were crumpled and the colour was faded from age. They all looked so young, so happy. Roxy chuckled dryly, tears leaking down her cheeks once more. The blonde clutched the photograph to her chest, clinging to it for dear life.

She rose the gun to her head, memories filtering through her brain for the last time.

She had been the one to get Dirk to promise he would be buried next to her, she supposed it was about time she joined him.

And for the second time, a body was found in that apartment.

 

 

 

**XxX**

 

A soft breeze blew through the meadow, rustling Jake’s hair as the boy sat motionless in front of the two crosses wedged into the ground; neat, loopy writing marking the names into the wood. Green eyes started blankly ahead and his hands hung limply over his knees, body unmoving. The flowers Jane had brought – one set orange, the other pink – lay on top of the graves, their petals dancing in the wind. Silent tears trailed down Jake’s cheeks as his shoulders shook, and a single note hung from his fingertips.

 

 _‘I’ll love you till I’ll die_ ’

 

 

 

**XxX**

  
_Life is short but this time it was bigger_   
_Than the strength he had to get up off his knees_

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I've had for a while and I am sorry ok I can't seem to write happy things :(


End file.
